Couch to Couch #2: Feeling all the feels. Follow this trail map to navigate your child's emotions.
You know that scene from the movie with Chris Farley, wearing a jacket meant for a man half his weight, dancing around in a jacket meant for someone half his size, singing “Fat guy in a little coat”? “What’s happening to me, Richard?” He then bends forward and completely splits open the back of his jacket. Rrrriiiip. The seems split and now its not usable; its destroyed. Why did he do this? Didn't he know the jacket would rip?
Let's be real He should have known and considered that a consequence if his choices. He shouldn't have put the jacket on. But he did it anyway. Why? Mindfulness. He didn't think this through because he had other motivations; To get attention from his audience.
(watch the clip if you don't know the movie well)
And just like that jacket, our child’s lives have been ripped apart. School isn’t available in the way it used to serve your sanity. School isn’t available in the same way to support language development, emotional learning, and a strong sense of community. Now with your home being a place where we work, life, hang out, go to school, eat, relax, exercise and create all in the same space. If you need more structure for your kiddos, yourself, and to rebuild respect and compliance from your children keep reading.
The call we’ve been waiting for happened just last week. We know that schools are not going to be opening this school year. Hit with a knife to whatever hope you had, its gone. The reality is, we need to find a way to make this new life bearable and I’m going to coach you through it.
You have the strength, you may have to dig deep to find it but I’m certain its there. You can do this and it starts NOW.
Say it, Believe it, Live it. “I CAN”
Change is hard.
Take a moment to breath. Smell the flowers, 1,2,3,4. Blow out the candles, 1,2,3,4,5,6.
"I know that I can get through this. I know that I am strong." -Cher
I hope that helped to get you in the mood.
Ok. Let’s discuss your child’s emotional mood swings. My last letter to you spoke about possible reasons why emotion are running high for your kiddos. Change, accepting no, and loosing a life that was familiar is not so easy to swallow. It hasn’t just been about the kids, but your mood has been high and low, sad and angry, scared and frustrated. I know I have had.
You may have researched “behavior plan”, “child psychologist”, “behavior interventions”, “why is my kid loosing their sh**t?”. These questions may have come to mind because they’re throwing toys, refusing the follow simple house rules, behaving like some kid you don’t recognize, and frankly a little explosive ball of feelings.
I’m going to let you in on something. Usually when I am asked to write a behavior plan its for a child who has a need with regulating their emotions. This typically presents in a few ways. First, lets start by considering the behaviors.
There are several steps to this process. I will discuss the first step to help get you started.
Step 1. What do you want to change?
This means you have to recognize what is happening and what you don’t like or want to continue. This is time to reflect.
Is your child:
1. Acting like a class clown and pushing your buttons.
2. Task avoidance or refusing to do what you’re asking.
3. Physical and aggressive with you, the house and toys, or themselves. Remember, behaviors are a way of communicating. “its not what was said, but how it was said”.
For this, use a journal, piece of paper, or a spreadsheet as a graphic organizer here.
When you reflect on what you want to change, take note to a few details that will help this process:
Where is it happening?
When is it happening?
Who or what is it happening with?
Take this to the next level. Let’s talk the ABCs.
Antecedent – what happened before the Behavior
Behavior – The active response
Consequence – What happened after the behavior
Duration – How long did it last from start to finish – (this includes additional outbursts or related behaviors that may be interrupted by other activities. The behavior is considered over when reconciliation happens.
Even if you know why you’re child is behaving in a certain way, using this type of thinking can start to identify trend in their behaviors and help you to recognize what’s happening a little clearer. Finding trends helps to decide where to start too. Give it a go and send me a message with any questions or concerns about this process.
I know this is hard but you CAN DO IT. There will be a way that life moves on and we can learn to navigate through it.
You can register now for a FREE consultation to have more specific questions to your needs answered. Register for your appointment here.
Next Steps: We will investigate strategies to determine the why each of the unwanted behaviors are happening and what you can do about it. Stay with me. Until the next couch to couch. Your graphic organizer is waiting for you here.
With all of my love and support,